April 27, 2009

What I'm Feeling

All the time people ask me when Dan is due home, and two facts are true...I'm not really supposed to say, and I don't really know. A "standard" (what a joke that word is) deployment is 6 months, but every ship, every battle group is different. Dan's last deployment was just short of 8 months, and we were hoping that this one was going to be a bit more on the "standard" side. But alas it's just not to be.

It's not that I know it's going to be 8 months or 10 months or a year. It's that I DON'T KNOW!!! And what I've been told is that there's no telling when we'll know anything at all. SO frustrating. I want to give my son a month on the calendar he can expect daddy home (really is a 30 day span too much to ask for?) I want to make plans in my own life that either include Dan or don't.

So as I sit here in the dark, I have to experience this moment. A moment where I...
  • don't pretend to be okay with the fact that my husband is half way around the world.
  • don't worry and stress about the future since I have no idea what it holds.
  • don't ignore the parts of my life I do know because I'm depressed about the part I don't.

10 comments:

pam said...

Hang in there. I am thinking of you.

stephanie@{Olive Tree} said...

That would frustrate me, too. I'll be praying!

Sheila said...

I know it stinks! You should go treat yourself to a nice bubble bath right now. You deserve it! Perhaps you could give Timothy a longer number...If Dan returns sooner, I'm sure Timothy would be okay with that. Hang in there, girl!

Jenn said...

Oh Alicia, I feel like I need to give you a hug like you gave me earlier today... the strength of a military spouse during deployment always leaves me awestruck. My prayers are with the 4 of you (well, they already were but I'll add a little extra)

Alicia said...

Thanks you guys-thanks for letting me whine a bit!

Phoenix's Mom said...

Sending thoughts and hugs your way.
Angela

Carrie said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to have your husband away...then with the added fact that you don't have an exact time frame you can look forward to him returning home. You are a strong woman, wife, and mother. I admire you so much...

Dan said...

Alicia,
There is no one I'd rather go through this with than you. You're doing so well.

Dan

P.S. Yes, this sucks.

Christi said...

Keep your chin up...praying that the next however many months goes quickly!

Stephanie's Mommy Brain said...

Let me say once again - thank you for the sacrifices you make so my family can be safe! Thank you, Alicia, for living with the unknown and temporary single parenthood. Thank you, Dan, for serving us, sacrificing time with your family and missing them like crazy. Thank you, Timothy & Samantha, for sharing your Daddy with us and missing his hugs.

We do not hold your sacrifices lightly!!